To start off the prize-giving, I would like to present the Award for the Awkwardest-Person Ever. And it goes tooooooooooooooo, ME!
*Howls of disappointment and outrage from the crowd*
Yes, yes, I know, it is rather unconventional for the Award-giver and the Award-receiver to be the same person. However, I have a strong belief that as we get to know each other over this (metaphorical) evening, that you will come to see why I have been the undefeated winner of this award for the past 16 years.
Let me share with you, my dear friends, a few examples of why I AM THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ON THE PLANET!
Firstly, sometimes, I forget to breathe.
*gasps of horror*
I know this isn't technically 'awkward' but it sure is stupid, and that kinda counts. This literally happens to me, semi-regularly. Whenever I get too excited about something, or really interested, or even when I'm nervous (that has made for some interesting kerfuffles while public speaking, I can assure you.), sometimes even for no reason! Whaaattt?! I am a terrible person.
Secondly, I blush/turn-into-a-beetroot really easily. Even if I'm not embarrassed, but am just thinking to myself; 'Oh my goodness, this would be so embarrassing if I was embarrassed and blushed right now', I BLUSH, I TURN RED AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING EMBARRASSED!!!! Argh! This has gotten to the point that even if someone (usually my so-called 'friends') whispers to me: 'Don't blush! ;)' I immediately attempt my best Elmo impression. You can imagine the inconvenience.
And thirdly, and possibly the most obvious display of my utter inability to function in society, I am extremely clumsy (or as the French would say, Maladroit). I have dubious gift of being able to trip over flat surfaces, fall up and down stairs (tricky things, stairs- so many opportunities for a disaster.), fall over while standing still and slip of my chair in the middle of a crowded food court.
*gales of laughter*
You may laugh, but all of those are real and semi-frequently occurring events in my life.Now, If you need further proof of my eligibility for this award, I have one more story to tell you. I used to have an after-school job at a certain fast-food restaurant that shall remain nameless. At this job, I was always, for some imperceivable reason, placed on the Drive-Thru. (You know that annoying voice that shouts at you at the speaker and then demands your money at the next window? Yeah, well, that was me.) One night, I was coming to the end of a 5 hour shift, taking the orders through a head-set, and then waiting for the car to drive up to the next window, to take their money, when a car with 5 young males pulls up. As usual I took their order, and then they came up to my window. In my defense, they did park quite far a way from the said window, and the window-sill of that window was very low. As I leaned out to take their money, I slipped on a paper on the floor, and suddenly I had fallen out of the window and was head-and shoulders in their car, my torso forming a 'bridge' between their car and the window and my legs flailing around in the booth. Disaster!
*Gasps of shock mingled with hysterical laughter*
The boys were a little alarmed. As I was stuck, I had to elicit the aid of my friend to pull me back in the window, and of the driver in the car (who seemed very eager to push me out of his vehicle). Can you even imagine! That doesn't happen to normal people!
Alas, I can sense that I have already dwelled to long on this subject, but I assure you this is not the end of the gargantuan list of reasons of why I am the best candidate for this award. We have barely scratched the tip of the iceberg my friends! But I shall spare you the extended version, as I am sure you will grasp a better understanding throughout the course of our evening together!
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